Up/Down

Up
Its a fresh start
I've got the motivation
I'm on the right track
Smiling

Down
I shouldn't have done that
I said I wouldn't
Its only been a day
Great job
Pathetic

Up
Don't be so hard on yourself
That's the key
I've got to be kinder to myself
Or I'll never get where I want to go
It's ok

Down
You ate two pieces of pie?
I get the whole be nice thing
But lets not get carried away
You can't honestly think
That is what is going to help
Dillusional

Up
It's something I can't fix
In a day
In a week
In a month
Not the overall goal at least
If I just take it a day at a time
Be where I am now
This moment
As I am
That's what really matters
What will help
I can't be anything else then what I am now
Hopeful

Down
Sure
You tell yourself that

Down
Don't you have ice cream?

Down
How about that banana bread?

Down
While you're at it, eat the scone too.

Down
But maybe just chew it then spit it out

Down
If you don't swallow

Down
That doesn't count

Down
Right?

You gave in.

Just as you expected

Back where you started.

Down
Not Up

Body: (n) the physical structure of a person or an animal, including the bones, flesh, and organs.

Looks
They're important
But they're not
She loves his personality
But he's too short
He loves her laugh
And the way she stumbles over her words
When she's nervous
And the fact that she is smart
But if she just lost ten more pounds
He could think of her as more then just a friend
Then maybe there could be something more

More

His legs are too skinny
Her boobs are non existent
His lips are too voluptuous
Her ankles are chunky
His nose is actually slightly crooked
And if you look really closely
You can see one nostril is smushed
More than the other

That's going to bother me
I can't

It's not you
It's me

Shallow?
Is it?
I want to say yes
It's wrong
But I'm guilty
I'm guilty of the
"She likes his personality
But he's too short."
Does that make me shallow?
I don't want to be 
I just notice these things
And they make it hard to get closer
In that way

But why?
Is it because I'm self conscious about my weight?
About being a bigger
Excuse me
Curvier woman?
No
Sometimes I feel like I look like a man

A man?
How?
But I do

Is that why?
That I feel like I'll crush him
When I rest my head on his shoulder?

I can't even think about sex

Some say it's ridiculous
I say it's my reality

It's not like I choose feeling this way

Is it because of our society?
This world we live in?
America
Obsessed with being beautiful
Or being obsessed with someone else perception of beautiful?
Or what we think they think their perception of beautiful is?

What we think they think

That's funny

What we think
They think we think 
Of what they think 

Ha

It's endless

We become so concerned 
We analyze so much
That we are altering ourselves 
Because of what we think
They think
That we think 
Of what they think
Think
Think
Think
Think
Think
Think
Think
Think
Think
Think
Think
Think
Think
Think
Think
Think
Think
Think
Think
Think
Think
Think
Think
Think
Think
Think
Think
Think
Think
Think

Just stop
Stop thinking

It's impossible

It feels that way

It's hard to be optimistic about these things

World peace 
Everyone is beautiful

I guess there is no true solution
But all I can say
Is that it is exhausting 
Changing myself
Censoring myself
Starving myself
Stuffing myself
Looking at myself
Beating myself
Hating myself
To the point that 
I don't even know who I am
The true me
The me that I know
I know
I love

If I found that
Someone might look at me and think 

Look at me and know
"Damn
That girl
Is 
Amazing"